Turn Back Time
by MermaidMidna
Summary: 5 years after Derek and Casey graduate from high school, they realize their lives aren't all they're cracked up to be. Will they be able to fix their past mistakes, or will they loose themselves in what used to be?
1. Prologue

**AN: This idea just came to me randomly while I was vacuuming the stairs! Lol. It is very different from my normal style of writing, but I hope you enjoy it none the less! Review if you so please!**

Prologue

"Bye Miss. McDonald! Have a good weekend!"

"You too Sheri!" I waved goodbye to the four year old as she gathered up her supplies and left the classroom. I sighed at the mess before me; gluesticks, papers, and crayons littered the floor. I stacked up my lesson plans and got down on my hands and knees to get the big scraps.

Call me crazy, but I hated when the janitors came in and cleaned up a huge mess. Yes, I knew it was their job, but I couldn't help but feel guilty, so I was accustomed to sweeping the floors way after the school day was over.

Teaching was always my last resort, so why was kneeling on the floor in the middle of a classroom, busting my butt over the mess of 25 preschoolers?

Oh, I remember why! It was all because of my ex-fiancé!

Darrel seemed like the perfect guy. He was chivalrous and polite, courteous and respectful. We got engaged right after my second year of college. He was training to be a neurosurgeon and when I told him about my passion for dancing, he told me to go for it. He said that his doctor salary would be able to provide for the both of us, even without me earning any money. So I quit college and went to start a new life.

Yes, everyone warned me not to quit. Mom said it was risky. George thought it was nonsensical. Even Derek thought it was a bad idea, and he hated Darrel by the way. Sad as it was, Derek finished college with a four year degree and I didn't.

So when Darrel and I split up, I had no source of income, and the only job I could think of that got decent pay was being a teacher. I taught ballet lessons on the side, as well, but those were not things that I really wanted to do with my life. I had no idea how one guy could make such an impact on my life.

Well, not that I can really blame Darrel for breaking off our engagement. Sure, he wasn't very merciful, or willing to give second chances! But I needed someone to blame other than myself.

You see, one night when we were… making love, I sort of, kind of, maybe, accidentally shouted out Derek's name.

Needless to say, Darrel was furious, telling me to "take my *$& incest somewhere else and leave him the $#% alone." And he walked out of my life forever.

The thing was, I wasn't really upset about him leaving me, or the fact that I hadn't had my 'fairytale' wedding. In fact, I didn't really think my fantasy marriage would ever come true… unless I was marrying Derek. His life was perfect though. He had a beautiful girlfriend, a wonderful career as a director, and an incredible apartment. Why would he want washed up, preschool teaching, ex-fiancé me?

If only I could have turned back time and set everything right. I need to see Derek and tell him I loved him, long before I met Darrel. Long before I gave everything away to Darrel.

Because, truth be told, it all belonged to Derek.

_______________________________________________________________________

"Okay, Cassidy. That's enough." I pushed the blonde away as she tried to kiss my neck. My skin tingled where she had left lipstick marks, but it wasn't in a good way. It wasn't a pleasant or sensual feeling. It was more like an 'eww, get off of me' one.

She withdrew from me, frowning. "Derrrrekkkk!" she whined. "That whole sensitive 'I'm not ready thing' was cute at first, but now I want more, and you're not giving it to me. When are we ever going to get to second base?"

"I told you. I'm not into that." I said, rolling my eyes. God, she was annoying. I didn't even know why I put up with her half of the time.

She glowered at me, and I swore cat ears were gonna pop out of her head and claws were gonna shoot from her fingertips. I seriously thought that woman was going to attack me. "Is there… _another girl?_" she asked dramatically.

Man, she was awful_._ "Yes, Cassidy, I sleep around with different girls every night, and yet I won't even let you make out with me. That makes a lot of sense."

She slapped my arm. Awful, I tell you! "That's not what I meant, _Der!"_ Did I mention how annoying her voice was? "Is there another girl on your mind, preventing you from loving me?"

"Love is more than a physical attraction." I said bluntly. Wow, I never thought I would be giving someone else this talk. It was always directed at me before.

"God, you're so infuriating! Why don't you just answer my question!" she squealed.

"Jeez Casey, you're such a drama queen!" I retaliated.

And then I realized what came out of my mouth.

So did Cassidy, apparently.

"What did you just call me?" she asked, flinging back her hair.

"Casey."

"I knew there was another girl!" she got off the sofa and grabbed her jacket, furiously shoving it on. "_Goodbye,_ Derek Venturi!" I watched as she swished her hips, sauntering off towards the door. She turned around right before leaving. "Aren't you going to come after me?" she asked, blinking rapidly.

"Nope." I said, sighing and leaning back on the couch.

"Ah!" she shrieked, opening the door and slamming it behind her. Good riddance.

_Casey._ I knew I would slip up eventually. I mean, Cassidy, Casey. The names were very similar, and let's face it; I couldn't get one of those girls off my mind. Cassidy didn't understand why I didn't want to take our relationship further. Neither did Sally, or Kendra, or Emily for that matter. But, I, Derek Venturi was a… virgin. As hard as that was to say, it was true. And it was all because of some stupid step-sister that had danced her way into my life, making me only have eyes for her. I wanted only to give away everything I had to _her._

God, I sounded like such a pansy.

But it was 100 percent true. I should have given up on Casey McDonald years ago. But I didn't. Because somewhere, deep inside me, I still had hope that she hadn't given up on me.


	2. Give Me Time To Reason

**AN: Thank you so much everyone who read/ reviewed/ faved!!!! I love you guys!!! I hope you enjoy the next chapter!**

**And I wanted to dedicate this chapter to DisforDasey because she always gives me the nicest reviews and lifts my spirits when I'm down! So DisforDasey, please enjoy! It's people like you who make everyone's day a little brighter! Thank you!**

Cassidy was gone. _Thank God. _

I was free from everything evil and wrong! Okay, so she wasn't _that_ horrible. She was like an over exaggerated Casey. Um actually… I would say she was more like Casey to the extreemth power.

But the fact was, she was gone. And I really didn't care about all that effort I had put into wooing her, because I was a free man.

But when you're free, aren't you supposed to lose the bondage of all the worries and crap that's weighing you down? Yeah… that's what I thought. And I sure wasn't feeling that. Not one bit.

Because one person held me prisoner, consumed my thoughts, and made my imagination run wild. And I needed to see her. Now that Cassidy wasn't distracting me, all my thoughts were concentrated on the girl I really wanted to be with. And it was driving me _crazy!_

I wondered if she was still with that prat Darrel, even after Nora, George, _and _I told her that he was no good. If she was, then I would really be crossing the lines. Why didn't they teach us in school that falling in love with your engaged stepsister was not a good thing to do? All we learned about was useless crap like geometry and adding letters. Who adds letters? I mean really?

Anyway, I needed to see her and figure out what was going on in her life, and who she was with. Because it certainly wasn't me.

So I got up at like 3 in the morning and grabbed my coat and headed out to Toronto. I didn't know how I had the freaking energy to do that, or the will power, considering I always slept in til 12 noon. But hey, that's what love does to you. Don't ever fall in love, got it? It's too much effort.

I didn't even check to see what I was wearing, but now I recall that it was striped PJ pants and a robe. And my hair was all messed up and flying in different directions. But I was sexy anyway, so it didn't matter.

When I was in the car driving, I thought. A lot. I didn't really understand what happened between me and Casey when we went to college together. We tried to avoid each other, naturally. And when we did bump into each other, we fought. _Naturally._ But it wasn't a normal Derek-Casey fight. There were no annoying "Der-eks!" or witty comebacks and clever nicknames. We fought about stupid things. And we didn't even _yell. _Weird, huh?

Like that one time when I found her 'studying' in the library about three years ago. Actually, she was staring at Darrel from behind a book. That was upside down.

_I walked over to her, sitting down. "Your book- it's upside down."_

_She stared at me for a second with a quizzical look on her face. Then hastily turned her book around. "You think I didn't know that? I was reading it upside down to… enrich my brain."_

"_Nice try, Casey. But I don't believe you. Not for a second. I saw you staring at that boy over there."_

"_What's it to you if I look at boys?"_

"_I was only trying to help, geez."_

"_Well… thanks then… I haven't seen you around lately."_

"_That's what happens when you don't live in the same house in neighboring rooms anymore." _

_She huffed. "Well, would it kill you to come say hi every once in a while? I only live like two floors below you."_

_That really confused me. "Why would you want to see me? You never seemed to want to before… Wait. Do you miss me, Casey?" I couldn't help but smirk._

"_N-no! Of course not." At this point, Darrel looked up at Casey and she turned the brightest shade of red known to mankind. It would have been funny if I wasn't so frigging jealous. "Bye Derek." she whispered._

"_I wasn't leaving-"_

"_Goodbye." she said more forcefully. And so I left. And I decided not to visit her in her stupid dorm room. Because she was being a butt to me._

And then about a year later she got engaged to that stupid idiot. That just so happened to be a neurosurgeon. Okay, so he wasn't dumb. But he was a jerk.

And then we _really _got into a fight. I told her to finish college and not break it off just because of one guy she had a fling for. I mean, really, what if they broke up? What then? And all she did was yell in my face and tell me that "her and Darrel would never brake up, because they were perfect for each other!" My butt they were perfect. That kid had more problems than a barrel had monkeys!

I had talked to him before, once or twice. You know, the normal "I'm your fiancé's stepbrother" conversation. Whatever that might be. And he had a cracked up family. They always wanted him to be perfect, and he seriously thought he _could_ be. So when he saw Casey, he knew his family would approve, although they had rejected every other girlfriend of his because they weren't "pretty enough" or "smart enough" or whatever. What if Casey wasn't "athletic enough" or something stupid like that? Would they refuse her? If they did, I knew it would crush her, and I wasn't about to let that happen.

So Casey and I fought. And we hadn't talked since. Until I pulled up in front of her apartment. That Darrel and her shared. Sick. I wanted to believe Casey was still… pure. I did believe it. She wasn't the kind of girl who do things like that. But still, her sharing an apartment with _him_ made me uneasy.

I knocked on the door, knowing full well what time it was. All the better. Haha. Darrel was going to be _pissed_!

I stretched my arms as he opened the door and it took him a moment to register who I was. "Derek?" he asked. "What on earth are you doing here?"

"Well, I'm kind of here to see Casey."

"Casey? Don't you know that she doesn't live here anymore? We broke off our engagement a while ago."

"What?!" I asked, confused and yet ecstatic. "Where is she now?"

"Um, here. I'll write down her new address for you." He went back into his house and then emerged again with a piece of paper and pen, scribbling what was inevitably Casey's address down.

He handed it to me. It was a good thing I had sloppy handwriting because it would have taken anyone else a day to read that chicken scratch. _Doctors._

"Why do you want to see her anyway? To bang her around some more?" he asked bitterly.

"_Excuse me?"_ I asked incredulously. What was this guy's _deal?_

"Nevermind. It's like 4 AM and I have to go to work in 2 hours. Goodnight." He want to shut the door behind him, but I stopped him.

"I just wanted to let you know, I've always hated you." I said, smiling sweetly. "But thanks for the address." And then I shut the door in his face, running back to my car. The faster I could get to that address, the faster I could see Casey.

I finally reached my destination, stepping out of the car and looking around. It was _awful_. Like slums awful. Okay, not that bad, but like trailer park awful.

Trash littered the ground and there was graffiti on the walls of her apartment building… if you could even call it that. I locked my car door.

I found the room she was staying in, which was pretty hard because all the numbers were rubbing off. And then I knocked.

About 2 minutes passed and I was about to knock again when I heard some shuffling and the click of the door. There stood Casey, clad in button down pajamas, her hair trussed and her makeup smudged. She was beautiful.

"D-derek?" she asked, rubbing her eyes.

"Casey." I said, smiling.

And before I knew it, I was in a full fledged hug, Casey's arms around me as tight as she could squeeze. I hugged her back, grinning widely.

"I missed you." she said, and I could hear the hurt in her voice. She truly meant it.

"You have no idea." I pulled her even closer to me, never wanting to let go.

_Give me time to reason,  
give me time to think it through  
Passing through the season,  
where I hurt you_

**AN: Yay! Next chapter should be on the way shortly! I hoped you liked this one. I actually loved writing from Derek's POV here!**


	3. My Cross to Wear

**AN: I am so so sorry I haven't updated in a long time! I've had play practice and it's just crazy, but don't worry, after next Sunday, I will be a free woman!!!! And then I will dedicate my life to fanfiction! Okay, maybe not my life… but you know. And I'm really sorry if there are any tense changes, because I just read this book that took place in present tense and now I can't seem to switch back to past. o_O Yes, there is something wrong with me. ENJOY! And thank you so much for your loverly rewiews!!!!**

Derek Venturi was standing outside my apartment door at 4 AM. _Hugging me_. This was a rare and unexpected occasion, but pleasant none the less. There was something about the hug that was urgent, protective, and, dare I say… fearful?

"Derek?" I asked again, burying my head into his shirt and closing my eyes, still wondering if this was a dream or an illusion. Or maybe it was heaven. Nah, then Derek wouldn't be here.

I chuckled at my own joke, suddenly very awake and alive. My hands slipped away from around Derek's neck and rested on his shoulders. I lifted one of them up to his face and he raised a quizzical brow at me. I grinned, brushing away his hair from those gorgeous chestnut eyes.

"You need a haircut." I said, chuckling.

"You need a mustache wax." He smirked at me. Same old Derek. Way to ruin a perfect moment. He looked as if he was regretful immediately, though, and I as I pulled away from him I slipped my fingers into his hand, entwining them with his.

"Let's go inside." I offered, opening the door and practically dragging him into my apartment. I led him to sit on the couch, our hands still attached. My heart was racing and I wanted to tell it to shut up so he wouldn't be suspicious. But he was the one who hugged _me,_ after all. We sat there for several painful moments, his eyes wandering to look at my home, if you could even call it that. I was suddenly embarrassed that he was even here and I hadn't even cleaned up. I guess you could say I had let myself go. My dance uniform lay on the ground along with my shoes and… _gulp_… bra. In high school I would have never let myself get this way, but I was worn down, tired, and emotional after a day of teaching dance and little 4 year olds. As soon as work was over, I would eat a microwave dinner, try to watch some television, and pass out on the couch. It was just a habit now.

"Um…" I said.

"So-" Derek drummed his fingers on the couch arm with his free arm. "Sorry. About what I said earlier. That was totally uncalled for."

"It's okay." I looked down at the carpet which I noticed has several brown stains on it, probably from coffee. "You were just being you... It was just us."

And that's all it would ever be. _Just us. _Always fighting, always getting into some stupid argument or harassing each other with immature nicknames or hurtful jests. What were we the moment we hugged? Who were we then? Certainly not Derek Venturi and Casey McDonald. We were some random couple who hadn't seen each other in years, reuniting, but not the spiteful teenagers who shoved insults down each other's throats. We were unrecognizable sitting there on the couch, hand in hand. And it scared me.

_It's okay._ I had lied. It wasn't okay, and it wouldn't be okay until he ripped his hand out of mine and laughed, claiming that this whole thing had been one of his crazy schemes. Derek Venturi never said sorry. But then again, Casey McDonald never hooked up with boys or dropped out of college or-

"Hey, what happened with you and Darrel?" asked Derek. Great. The one thing I didn't want to talk about, ever, to anyone. I shifted uncomfortably in my seat, removing my hand from his.

"We split up." I said blatantly. "What more is there to know?"

"Why you split up, perhaps?" Derek licked his lips lazily and leaned back into the cushions. He looked so collected and put together, even in striped pajama pants and a red bathrobe. He looked good in red.

I shook my head and felt my palms begin to sweat. _Of course_ I couldn't tell him the _real_ reason why Darrel and I broke up. Not only was it embarrassing and humiliating, but it was _because_ of Derek that Darrel and I weren't walking down the isle at this point in time, ready to spend our lives together. Well, not truly ready on my part, but he was the best thing I could have asked for. Second only to-

"Well, are you going to tell me, or not?" asked Derek, sighing. "I mean, you don't have to tell me." he said much more softly, his eyes blinking rapidly. "I understand."

Had Derek really changed that much, to actually care about my feelings and personal life? Either way, I had to think of a lie, and I had to think of one fast.

"W-we were just too… different." I managed to sputter out.

Derek just about had a field day on that one, spitting all over the place as he laughed uncontrollably. Nope. He was the same Derek.

"You-you said you were _perfect _together! You said you guys were peas in a pod!" He slapped his knee as he leaned over in hysterics. I really didn't see what was so funny. But then he immediately fell silent as he saw my ashen face.

"You're lying." he said, his laughter ceasing and a frown forming on his face. "Did he hurt you?"

I saw fury in his eyes and I backed away from him, afraid. "No." I said. "He didn't do anything to me. It was my fault." _Crap._ I slipped up. Now he was really going to go Sherlock on me.

"What do you _mean_ it was your fault?" Then his eyes lit up and he stared at me intensely. "Hey, why did Darrel think that we… did it?"

"WHAT?!" I shrieked, nearly falling off the couch. "When did you talk to Darrel?!"

"About an hour ago." said Derek calmly. "But that's not the point. I mean, doesn't he realize that you would never, _ever_ do anything like that? Shows how much he knows you."

My heart sank in my chest as I realized what Derek was really saying. He thought I was still a virgin. Well, he was trying to figure out if I was still one, anyway. I hung my head and tried not to look at him as I finally told him the truth.

"Actually, Derek, there are things in my life that I regret." I glanced in his direction and he had a confused look on his face. I thought I saw him shake his head.

"I regret dropping out of college. I regret even going out with Darrel in the first place. I regret throwing away practically everything I had for one guy… even my purity." A tear slipped down my face and I realized Derek was shaking his head. His face was contorted and he looked almost angry. Why should it matter that much to him? I mean, I'm sure he trusted me to have better judgment but it wasn't like he was my _father _or anything! It's not like he was still a virgin or anything. Psh. If I wasn't then he certainly wasn't. Besides, everybody makes mistakes. I just had to keep telling myself that.

Derek lifted his hand and I swore he was going to hit me, but then he placed his hand on my shoulder, looking at me strait in the eye. "What happened to Casey McDonald?" he asked me. I bit my lip, unable to look at him. Because he was still Derek. But I wasn't Casey anymore. Everyone from Max to Truman to Darrel had molded me into the person they wanted me to be. I had lost every bit of independence inside of me, lost the glimmer of everything that made me the crazy grade grubber or the avid feminist. What happened to me?

And Derek was the only person that could bring it all back to reality, bring Casey back to Casey and right back to wrong. But how could I right this wrong?

I had taken a permanent step into darkness, and no matter how much light was squeezed into me, I wasn't going to be left with that same sense of white. I would be forever tainted gray.

I realized there was one thing I had forgotten to add on that list of regrets. _I regret not ever telling you I loved you, all this time. _

And then Derek was getting up and opening the door, leaving me again. And I would have one more thing to add to that list if I didn't get up and get him back.

_I will always have a cross to wear,  
but the bolt reminds me I was there_

**AN: That was kind of depressing… Wow this is so different than my normal stuff… Now I really want to go back to Derek's POV. LOL!**


	4. This Test Tonight

**AN: Sorry for like not updating since FOREVER! I was so busy with the play, and it took me like a ridiculous amount of time to write this. I **_**really**_** hope it was worth the wait! Thank you all for the reads and reviews! You guys are awesome!**

How could she? _How could she?_ I didn't know whether to be angry, depressed, or disappointed. Hell, I guess I was all three at the same time. And I didn't know who to be angry, depressed, or disappointed with. Casey had made a huge _friggin_' mistake, but it wasn't like it was my fault she did… what she did. I think I was more angry with myself. Do you _know_ how many girls I had to reject over the years, all because of Casey? I could have had the time of my life in college! I could have gotten drunk and had frat parties, eaten til my stomach burst and failed every exam a teacher passed my way. But no. I had become someone I thought Casey would actually learn to like, someone with (a fairly decent amount of) morals and manners. And I had wasted all my effort for nothing. Man, was I stupid.

It was like… It was like Casey and I had literally switched places. I wasn't a partier, a bad boy, or a jerk anymore. In fact, I was somewhat respected and dignified. I had a real job, a nice apartment, and… well, I used to have a girlfriend. Until Casey ruined that for me too. Casey… who knew what she did for a living. Obviously something not very prestigious if she lived in a crap dump like this place. Now she was the trouble maker, the one who dated bad boys. She was even a… You know what? I'll let you fill in the blank on that one.

The question was, when did this all start to occur? When did I transform into a goody two shoes freak, and when did Casey become the [insert a name for a garden tool here] that she was now? When did my road to salvation begin, and when did her journey down the alleyway start?

My change had resulted from Casey. It wasn't a sporadic change, but something that came with time. She taught me to be a better person, to learn and to care and to love. I was still Derek Venturi, but I was a better Derek Venturi.

I supposed Casey had changed a little more with each boyfriend she got. Sam was fine, (even though I secretly despised her dating my best friend.) But then there was Max. And he turned her into a mindless cheerleading zombie. It didn't take her long to get over that… wax figure. After all, even Barbie dumped Ken after a while. If I thought Max was bad, he was _nothing_ in comparison to Truman. Sure, I always told Casey to live dangerously, but Truman took this to a new extreme. He turned her into a superficial, disrespectful, brainwashed teenager. She was virtually unrecognizable as the Casey I had come to know and love when he was done with her. I hated him. I loathed him more than any other human being on this planet for what he had done to her. And then she finally broke up with him, and she thought she could make it all better by being with Darrel. But he just made things worse.

"Derek!" And now she was running after me like some wild banshee. Didn't she realize what time it was? "Derek, wait!"

"Shh!" I said, turning around. "Normal people are sleeping!" Okay, so the one thing about me that hadn't changed was my sarcasm. And my temper.

"Derek, can't we just talk about this rationally, like adults?" she whispered harshly.

"Yeah, see, the thing is, you kind of forfeited that privilege when you a) dropped out of college and b) almost got married to a-"

"Derek, please be reasonable!" she pleaded, tears shining in her eyes. Why was I such a sucker for tears? I never could be around them, because when girls did the whole crying thing, I broke down. It was my one true weakness, my kryptonite. Besides Casey, that is. Which is why when she cries, I totally loose it.

"Okay, okay!" I said, my eyes widening. I put my hand on her shoulder, trying to calm her down. "I'm sorry I blew up at you. I'm just angry, that's all."

"I don't get it." she said, sniffling. At least it wasn't real tears any more. "Why are you so mad at me? I mean, it's not like you're a virgin anymore. Everyone makes mistakes." One of her eyebrows was raised and she looked frustrated.

I sighed. "Well, Casey, you really shouldn't make assumptions about anyone. Because once again, your lack of judging moral character is showing, and you are completely wrong."

She furrowed her eyes in confusion, and then after about a few seconds, she realized what I had said. A look of realization dawned on her face. "You mean you're-"

"Yep, I'm totally clean! This gift is still wrapped! This cherry has not yet pop-"

"Okay, Derek, I get it!" Casey said, placing a hand on my mouth. "The neighbors might hear!" Ha. I knew that would work her up. Then she frowned and looked at me intently. "I just can't believe you're… And I'm… How are you still-"

"Why are you so skeptical?" I asked, scowling. "Who are you to judge someone else?"

Tears welled up in her eyes again. Why was I always making her cry? I tried reminding myself that I shouldn't be the guilty person in this situation. It didn't work. "I'm not trying to judge you, Derek. I just want to know why." She gave me a half smile. McDonald was playing the cute card. Why did it work so well?

"Hey it's not my fault I'm a total loser! I didn't choose to stay pure! Okay so maybe I did. But still, it's all yo- Yolanda's fault!" I caught myself just in time, the truth almost escaping from my lips. _That _would have been a disaster.

"Who's Yolanda?" asked Casey. "I thought you were with Cassidy."

"Uh, I was. Yolanda was my… guidance councilor." Okay, when did I get so suckish at lying?

"Derek Venturi needs a guidance councilor? Since when? And why would you take her advice anyway? You never took my advice." Casey gave a little smirk. That was better than her crying, right? Okay, truthfully, it really got on my nerves.

"Listen, I didn't come here to have a Q and A with you, or an interrogation for that matter! First, Cassidy broke up with me, then I got up at 3 AM and drove to your old apartment where I met your disgruntled ex, who, by the way, thinks we _slept_ with each other, and now _you're_ getting all PMS-y on me because I actually did the right thing!" I let it all out in one breath.

Casey stared at me in horror. "You and Cassidy broke up? Why?" she asked, completely ignoring all of my other comments. She was getting good at avoiding the Darrel thing, wasn't she? "I thought you guys were like the perfect couple."

That was hilarious. "Yeah, well we were far from it." I said. "And the only reason we broke up is because I accidently called her by y- Yasmin's name!" Man I had lost my touch. That was just sorry.

"Who's Yasmin?" Casey crossed her arms across her chest.

"Um, this really nice girl I met in film school." I lied horribly again. "We were only friends though. Calling Cassidy "Yasmin" was just an honest mistake!"

"Yeah, I know the feeling." I heard Casey mumble. She sunk to the ground, her back against the wall. She brought her legs up to her chin and wrapped her arms around them, burying her face in her knees. I wondered if she was crying.

I sat down beside her, but not to close. Who knows what those raging hormones could make her do?

"Hey, sorry I freaked on you." I said gently. She never ceased to make me guilty. She had no idea what kind of affect she had on me.

She lifted her head up, tears streaming down her face. She attempted a smile but it didn't work very well. "Why did I have to screw up so bad?" she asked.

"I don't know Case." I said, chewing on my lip. "I really don't know anymore."

"I'm sorry Derek." she said. I could tell she meant it. For everything.

I put my arm around her and pulled her close to me. We just stayed like that for a while. I tried to ignore the beating of my heart as she rested her head on my shoulder. I could feel myself dozing off and the both of us fell asleep like that in the hallway.

* * *

"Oh no!" I woke up as Casey jerked away from me, looking at her cell phone. "It's 10 AM! I should have been at my dance class 30 minutes ago!" She looked around in a panic, running in and out of her apartment with a new article of clothing or item.

I stretched out my arms and legs, wondering if last night had been a dream, if this was still a dream. She paused to look at me, smiling a little.

"I guess I had better go." I said, standing up as she offered her hand to me. "I missed you, Case."

"Me too." she said, not letting go of my hand. There was a frown on her face. "You know what? I can just cancel my class. We barely got to talk, after all." She gave me a longing look, and I knew exactly what she wanted me to ask her.

"Do you want to come with me?" I inquired, releasing her hand looping my arm around her shoulder.

She looked around, laughing. "Anything to get me out of this dump!"

_So give me strength_

_To face this test tonight  
_


	5. What I Still Hide

**AN: Thank you my beautiful, loverly, amazing, sweet, precious reviewers! I love you all so much! Sorry for not updating sooner… :( **

**OMIGOOD I just realized LWD ends tomorrow in the US… OMG I'm going to cry my eyes out and then be depressed for a really long time and die a little inside!!!! **

**Even though (most of us) already know the ending, keep up the Dasey faith for the movies! We WILL get Dasey, we WILL!!!!! :) **

**Um…so… 50 virtual cookies for whoever can guess what song I used in the middle of this fic! And no googling lyrics, you cheater! Besides, it's only virtual cookies, JEEZ! :P**

What would the neighbors think, me walking out of my apartment with Derek attached to my hip, both of us in our pajamas? My reputation was already bad, me being a dancer and already an ex-fiancé at the young age of 21. I would watch them stare at me as I made my way out of my room, eyes bearing into me with disapproval. Everyone looked down on me, everyone. One mistake, and suddenly you become Benedict Arnold or something.

You know what? Who gave a crap? I didn't care what they thought anymore. Maybe I would never come back. Maybe I would run off with Derek and never return.

I wasn't thinking rationally with his arm around my shoulders. If he would have asked me to jump off a bridge with him at that moment, I probably would have. I just wanted his arms to encircle me forever, for me to be warm and safe. Because I was always safe with him, _always._

He was my protector, my shelter when everything collapsed around me. I never thought Derek Venturi would be my rock, but he was. Especially after that whole incident with…Truman.

I shivered a little and Derek pulled me closer into his side, even though we were almost to his car. _His car. _The beautiful, sleek, red car totally outshined the ones around it. I suddenly felt completely humbled as he opened the door for me and I sat in the passenger's seat. My hands felt the leather interior and I leaned back, sighing and closing my eyes. Derek came around the other side, chuckling.

"You like it?"

I nodded, giving a half smile. I wanted to say something meaningful to him, but nothing I thought of seemed significant at the moment. I wanted to say thank you, but that didn't seem good enough. So I just sat there, trying really hard not to stare at him for _too _long.

He hadn't changed much physically over the years. He let his hair grow out in soft ringlets around his face and it was a little lighter, probably from the sun. His eyes still had that mischievous twinkle, but they were different in a way, almost dimmer… almost sad.

"Casey?"

I nearly jumped 50 feet out of my seat, looking away from him quickly. He probably thought I was having some sort of random spasm. I didn't even realize he had started driving as my attention was focused on him the whole time.

"Hmm?" I asked, staring at the ground and silently cursing my inability to hide my blushing cheeks and embarrassment.

"You hungry?"

I almost laughed. It was so like Derek to always be thinking of food. "Yeah." I said quietly. What was wrong with me? Was it really so hard to get half a word out? I was doing perfectly fine before.

"Do you want to stop somewhere to eat?"

"Yes, please." Okay, better. I managed to spit out two words at least. But _yes please?_ What, was he my mother or something?

"Do you want to listen to some music?"

"Sure." Anything to keep my brain occupied on something other than him.

He turned on the radio and I immediately regretted asking for a distraction. My brain went fuzzy and my knees got weak as the song took me back to the one memory I never wanted to recall.

It was the summer before we went to college. Truman invited me to a party in Toronto. He told me we didn't _have_ to go as a couple, even though we were going out at the time.I was a little skeptical at the time, considering he kissed my cousin at the last party I went to with him, but I decided to go anyway, just to have "one last bash" before we went our separate ways. Derek went too.

"_Casey, dance with me! Dance with me!"_

_The music struck up a slow, melancholy tune_. _Why would anyone want to dance to this?_

_**Dark, you can't come soon enough for me  
Saved, from one more day of misery**_

_Truman grabbed me by the waist and spun me around in a circle, laughing hysterically._

"_Where have you been?" I asked, angrily, trying to push away from him. He pulled me in closer. "You abandoned me again! And your breath stinks. Have you been drinking?!"_

_**Everything I love  
Get back for me now**_

_He only laughed more. "Why would you-hic-think that, sweetie?" He pressed me even closer to him and my heart beat wildly. Not from excitement, but from fear._

"_I need to find Derek." I said, breathing shallow. "Where's Derek?"_

"_Probably off dancing with a pretty girl. Just like me." Truman said, pushing me into the darkness of the dance room where no one could see us. I struggled against his heavy body. _

"_Derek!" I called out loudly, and then Truman smacked his hand over my mouth._

_**Everyone I love  
I need you now**_

"_Shh, it's okay. I got you." Truman smiled, pushing me out of the room and into a wall. I tried to scream for help but I couldn't. He placed his hands on my hips, and then my waist, and then my…_

_I felt myself getting weaker and I couldn't explain the helpless feeling and position I was in. Nothing made sense anymore. I just wanted Truman off of me._

"_I need Derek. I need Derek." I kept saying._

_**Don't forget a million miles for me  
Safe and another day passed by me**_

"Casey?" I snapped back to reality, and I noticed my cheeks were wet and I was in the fetal position. "Casey, are you okay?"

I quickly wiped my eyes and looked at the ground. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine." I lied, blinking away the flowing tears. "It's just... This song. I don't like it. I… I need you to change it."

**Everything I love  
Get back for me now**

Derek listened to one more verse before completely shutting it off. "I'm sorry." he said, shaking his head. "I didn't realize-"

"It's okay. It's fine. Let's just go eat, okay?" I said, trying to forget everything that had just happened.

Derek pulled over at a little restaurant that bore a strong resemblance to Smelly Nellie's, and we went inside, choosing a booth in the corner. I ordered a salad and green tea while Derek got a burger, fries, a coke, and a milkshake. I would have laughed at his large appetite, but I wasn't quite in the mood for laughter.

The waitress brought our drinks. And Derek didn't even look twice at her, which surprised me quite a bit, considering she was very pretty.

"Casey, we can talk about it, you know. If you want." Derek said while we were waiting for our food to come.

"I really don't think I want to." I sighed, spinning my straw around in my water and watching the ice swirl.

"I think you need to talk to someone-"

"No, Derek!" I yelled. A few faces turned to look at me. I must have looked like a total wreck. We were both in our pajamas, after all. But Derek could pull that look off a lot better than I ever could. "I haven't told Mom, or Lizzie, or George, or even Emily! You're the only one who knows, and I'd like to keep it that way. And I never want to talk about it again, either." Was I really crying _again_?

Derek leaned back, gulping. "Alright." he said. "But just know that I'm here. And I always will be." He took my hand under the table and gave it a tight squeeze.

Like I didn't already know that. He made me feel so safe, but so guilty at the same time. He gave me everything. He cared for me and protected me, even when I didn't deserve it, and I gave him nothing in return. Nothing but pain. Why did I have to yell at him? Why did I push him away every time we got closer? I didn't understand myself.

Was I still scared of the "sibling" issue, the incestuous situation we were in? True, there was no blood relation, but there was still the sense of family. And the fact that people would just _not_ accept it. "Ew, isn't Derek your _brother_?"would inevitably be chanted over and over again. George and Mom would probably be confused and unsure of how to react. It would be a bad influence on Edwin and Lizzie. Marti might be happy. But there was another member of the family who was now in the way.

Morgan McDonald-Venturi, our 3-and-a-half year old little sister was practically the love child of Derek and me. _Our _little sister. Not Derek's little sister, or my little sister, but _ours_. She shared both our traits and our blood, creating an inevitable _family_ bond between us. Maybe if Morgan wasn't there, Derek and I would have been possible, but she was very much a McDonald-Venturi. I hated myself for loathing that little girl. It wasn't her fault for being born into the world, but she came along and ruined everything.

"I have to go to the bathroom." I said to Derek, getting out of my seat and breaking free from his warm hold on my hand.

"Okay." He smiled half heartedly as I walked away. And then I watched him put his head in his hands and rub his temples. I caused him so much trouble.

I practically ran to the bathroom, looking in the mirror and moaning. My hair was in an untidy bun and my makeup was smudged. The middle button of my PJs was undone, and you could see my purple, un-matching camisole. Why would Derek want to be with _this_? I turned on the faucet and splashed my tear stained face, washing away the excess makeup, and then attempted to fix my ratted hair. I frowned at my bare face, wondering why in the world Derek would ever want to even be seen with such an ugly person. He was so gorgeous, he could practically get any girl he ever wanted.

I reminded myself that I couldn't be that bad if he didn't flinch every time he saw my face. Plus I had gotten lots of handsome boys before. Sam, Max, Darrel… Truman.

My tears began to flow again and I watched them fall from my face to the sink, mixing with the tap water. Truman might have been attractive to the outside eye, but he was ugly and twisted on the inside.

Derek had gotten to us at the party before Truman could do anything incredibly horrible to me, but the memory was still vivid and traumatizing, no matter how far he went. I hated that feeling of vulnerability, of not having any power. And I kept asking myself, should I have told someone? I made Derek promise not to tell anyone what went on that night, but if he or I would have said something, maybe Truman would have gotten what he deserved.

And what if Derek didn't come in time? What if Derek actually saved my life?

Man, I owed him way more than I thought.

_If only I could turn back time  
If only I had said what I still hide_


	6. For the Night

**AN: I realize it's been forever and I'm so, so sorry!!! I appreciate all of my readers and reviewers so much and I feel so guilty for not updating because you guys deserve it. I guess my excuse is that I've been really sick lately and I didn't feel up to writing, so I tried to make this chapter super good for you all!**

**I made the beginning a lot more humorous because in the middle it starts to get really heavy and serious, and kinda dark so… yeah. Lol. **

**Anyway I love you all and thank you once again for everything!!!**

Why did Casey always continue to push me away when I tried to get closer to her? Was it because of Morgan? Was it because she considered us- gulp- _siblings?_ Because I sure didn't. Everything we had gone through together- every touch, every glare, every fight- didn't it count for anything? Didn't everything that happened during the summer before college count?

And how friggin long does it take for someone to go to the bathroom? For real? _Women._

I sat, drumming my fingers on the table, waiting for Casey to get back from her… little detour. The waitress kept glancing over at me and smiling. I gave her a half smile and tried to concentrate on my drink. Sure, she was attractive, but she was nothing compared to Casey. I mean, who _was?_

I watched her walk into the kitchen and then reemerge with our order on a tray. She slid the meals on the table and then leaned over, batting her eyelashes at me. Her name tag read "Veronica."

"That girl you were with- she's not your girlfriend, is she?" she asked, placing her elbow on the table and touching her chin with her hand.

"Not really." I said quietly. I stuffed a few fries in my mouth.

"Then who is she?"

_My stepsister_. "My best friend." I sort-of lied. I didn't know. Did Casey consider _me _her best friend?

"Oh, so she wouldn't mind if we-" Veronica touched my shoulder.

"Okay, lady! I know it's your job to be all hospitable and what not, but this is a little too friendly for comfort!" I yelled, pulling away from her quickly.

She removed her hand and stared at me in shock. "So, then… you're gay?" she half-asked, half-stated. "I should have known." she mumbled, looking me up and down. Wait. What? What was that supposed to mean?!

"I'll go get your milkshake." She walked away, almost running into Casey on her way back. Casey didn't look so much upset anymore as she did angry. She sat down, crossing her arms and just staring at her newly delivered salad.

It was probably PMS.

I ate a few more fries and took a bite out of my burger while Casey picked at her salad. It was quiet. Too quiet. Ha ha. I've always wanted to say that.

I glanced upward and the look on Casey's face suggested that she wanted to kill someone. I really hoped it wasn't me.

"Yo, what's your deal?" I asked bluntly. I figured I'd just come out and ask it, ya know?

She gave me a death glare and I decided it was best for me to shut my pie hole.

Veronica eventually brought my milkshake and dropped a scribbled on piece of paper onto the table. I raised my eyebrows at her.

"That's my friend Simon's number." she smirked at me. "You might be interested in calling him." she winked and walked away.

"What was that all about?" And so, Casey speaks!!! …During the most awkward moment of my entire life.

"Um, well, the waitress thought I was… gay." I whispered the last part.

Casey looked like she was about to explode as her cheeks bulged and she let out a huge laugh.

"You? _Gay?!"_ she laughed hysterically. "Yeah, right!" She held her sides and rocked back and forth in her chair, much to my dismay. If people weren't staring at us before, they were now. Hey, at least Casey was in a better mood though. She tried to put on a serious face for a second. "Although that would explain why you're still a virgin." And then she cracked again.

Okay, so maybe bad-tempered Casey wasn't _that_ bad.

But the laughing soon stopped, and rather abruptly too. I looked up at Casey to see what was wrong and she sat frozen in her chair staring straight ahead, looking absolutely petrified.

"Casey, what in the-" I turned around to find what she was looking at and my jaw dropped.

Truman French stood in the doorway with that same stupid smirk on his face that I absolutely loathed.

My hand instinctively curled into a fist and my blood began to boil. I clenched my jaw and breathed in, trying to calm myself, but it wasn't working very well. I didn't ever want to come across that scum again, and just the sight of him made me want to rush at him and knock him senseless.

Every bitter memory of Truman came flooding back into my head as Veronica led him to a table to sit down. My eyes followed his movements and I remembered every thick grin he wore, every false "nice guy" act he put on, every kiss he shared with Casey… And then the worst memory came. Something I was forced to recall practically every night as I slept, a memory that had already stirred in my brain today.

I had gone to a party with Casey as her "chaperone," considering Nora still didn't really trust Truman. I was torn between going and not going. On one hand, I didn't want to see, hear, or have _anything_ to do with that whole trashy relationship going on, but on the other hand, I wanted to protect Casey from the rat that she was dating, so I ended up tagging along.

Thank God I did.

"_Please, just one more dance, and then I'll let you go!"_

"_Sorry, but it's getting kind of late and I really have to go check on my step sister."_

_I left the blonde girl's side and went to go find Casey. It really wasn't that late but something was eating me up internally. I had this weird eerie sense that something bad was going on and I needed to find Casey to make sure that she was okay._

"_I need Derek." Casey's voice echoed in my mind and I quickened my pace, searching for her. _

"_I need Derek." I kept hearing it over and over again, each time a little more drastic. I passed a crowd of drunken people and my heart leapt, wondering if Casey was in among them or if Truman… I began to run. Her voice was getting louder and my heart was pounding harder. _

_I heard a laugh that sounded like Truman and I followed the noise into a dark room. All my senses seemed to stop as my eyes fell on Casey pressed to the wall, her shirt off and Truman laughing as her reached for her. Casey was crying and calling out my name but I could barely hear her over the ridiculous music playing and Truman's cold laughter._

"_What the hell do you think you're doing?" I yelled, finally snapping out of my daze. "Get away from her!" I ran over to the confused looking Truman and punched him in the face. He fell to the ground and I began pounding him over and over, wanting to beat the drunkenness and badness out of him, wanting to get back at him for what he did to Casey. My poor, innocent, broken Casey._

_I heard her sob, choking on her tears and a loud "thump." I stopped beating Truman and turned to look at her. She had fallen to the floor and was opening her mouth widely. I thought she might be trying to scream but nothing was coming out. Abandoning Truman, I crawled over to her, picking up her discarded shirt and sitting her up. I forced the shirt over her limp torso and cradled her in my arms, rocking her back and forth. _

"_It's okay. I've got you." I whispered in her ear. "He can't hurt you anymore." _

"Hey. I never thought I'd find you here." I snapped back to reality and looked for the voice that had awoken me from my day… nightmare.

Truman stood next to our table, his eyes feasting greedily on Casey. Casey swallowed and looked terrified and pale. I stood up and stared Truman down. He backed away, looking confused. Did he seriously not remember anything that happened that fateful summer?! Probably not. He was so drunk he probably woke up with a hangover thinking he got in a fight with another lunatic at the party. He probably didn't know what he did at all. What a pig. What a dirty, _revolting_ pig.

"Woah, getting all protective again, are we?" he asked, smirking. "You two aren't an item now, are you?"

"Truman, go away before I punch you in the throat." I said through clenched teeth, trying as hard as I could not to kill him right then and there.

"It was just a simple question!" he said, raising an eyebrow. "Besides, I have a right to know about Casey. She never answered any of my phone calls after that party we went to." He looked around my shoulder at her.

I breathed in and out again. "Maybe that was for a reason." I said. _A pretty damn good reason._

"Well, then, why doesn't _Casey_ tell me why?" Truman went to walk around me and I felt my heart pulse as my fist collided with his gut, sending him flying to the floor. There was an audible gasp from the people in the restaurant. I reached in my pocket, slapped 20 dollars on the table, grabbed Casey by the arm, and ran out of the restaurant to the car as fast as I could.

We buckled up and drove away, all the while hoping that the cops wouldn't come after us.

I glanced at Casey once were out on the main highway. She was white as a sheet and shivering, clutching the arm rests on either side of her. As much as seeing Truman again was horrible for me, I could only imagine what it did to her.

_I had carried Casey back to our car that summer night and into her room when we got home. She never let go of me, her arms around my neck and her head buried in my chest. I gently placed her in her bed, asking her if she needed me to stay with her. She lay in her bed for a while, not moving or speaking, but then a few seconds later she lifted herself up and gave me a hug. _

"_No." she said groggily, finally talking. "I think I will be okay." I could tell she was hesitating as I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her close. _

"_Alright." I said, letting her go. She shrunk back into the pillows. "If you're sure."_

_She nodded wearily, a smile almost forming on her lips. Her eyes closed and she muttered, "I love you Derek."_

_I didn't know if I had heard correctly and I did a double take before replying, "I love you too Casey." Of course she didn't mean it. She was half asleep. And if she did mean it, she meant it in a totally platonic or… sororal way._

_I laid in my bed that night, and for the first time since my mom and dad's divorce, I sobbed like I was a baby again. I cried myself to sleep that night, dreaming of the horrible things I had seen. And I would be haunted by them for the rest of my life._

It took the whole summer for me to get Casey back to normal. I guess I became her little therapist, helping her out every step of the way. We became closer than ever- dare I say- _best friends._ Our family didn't understand why we weren't fighting, but they weren't going to complain about the sudden lack of pranks and "Der-eks."

If only I had gotten there faster. If only I had stayed with her the whole time or watched her and been able to protect her more from Truman. I loved Casey more than any other human being on this planet, and I couldn't stand to see her hurting the way she did. I vowed I would never let anything ever happen to her like that again.

And yet, here she was, huddled in my car, scared to death because of the same person that had caused her so much grief in the first place. I needed to do something to fix this, to fix _us. _Because, believe it or not, we were both pretty messed up people.

But I couldn't help but wonder… Was the damage already too dire to fix?

_If only I could turn back time_

_I would stay for the night_

_For the night_


	7. Your Right to See the Truth

**AN: Thank you guys again! I'm sorry it took me so long for this chapter. I hope it's worth it! Sorry if it's a little discombobulated in some places. It's 1 AM and I'm a little delusional. :D Just tell me what I need to fix and I will fix it! I feel really selfish asking, but please review! **

**OMIGOOD, this is my longest story and the one with the most reviews! Thank you guys so much for the support! :D I love you all!**

It was cold. And dark. And it hurt. I never thought seeing him again would bring me so much pain. He didn't even_ know_ what he did to me. He had no _idea _what kind of torture he put me through, and how hard Derek had to work to get me back to normal.

That summer before college… I wasn't myself. I had been turned into someone completely unrecognizable from myself. I didn't trust anyone, no one but Derek. Lizzie and I became distant as I never told her my secrets anymore. Mom and I barely communicated with each other, and the mother-daughter bond we had formed over time faltered. Marti didn't like the 'new' Casey. She kept asking me when my real self was going to come back. Every time George or Edwin came to give me a hug or talk to me I would shy away. I never let anyone touch me, except Derek. He had saved me from one of the potential worst moments of my entire life, and I knew he was someone I believed would never do anything bad to me.

Derek and I became best friends over the course of the summer. He helped me learn that it was okay to keep my guard up, but at the same time I had to realize that every person I had a relationship with was going to hurt me at some point, in one way or another.

I asked Derek when and how he was going to hurt me. He said he'd already done enough of that.

We had the best times together. We went to the mall and tried on goofy clothes. We snuck into the Davis's yard and swam in their pool. We got up early to look at the sunrise. We stayed up late at night to watch the stars.

One night we were home alone watching a movie. Emily, still dating Derek at the time, was supposed to come over and watch with us. It was a really dark movie and I got scared at one part, so Derek put his arm around me and pulled me into his side. I snuggled up to him and grabbed his hand. We stopped watching the movie and started looking at each other. It was at this point that Emily burst through the door. We didn't even have time to jump away from each other. She had already seen too much.

That was the night Emily broke up with Derek.

That was the night I realized I was madly in love with my step brother.

My stomach did flip flops as the car ride drove on, and I felt myself getting dizzy.

"Derek, please pull over." My voice cracked as I spoke for the first time in what seemed like forever.

He turned off the road and I burst out of the passenger seat, breathing in the fresh air. Lucky there was some woods nearby, because I emptied my entire stomach of the dinner I had eaten. I felt myself sweating and the taste in my mouth was disgusting. I seriously thought I was going to die.

Derek came running over to me as I got up and made my way back to his car. "Casey, are you okay?" he asked, grabbing my shoulders.

I tried not to breath too much as I answered, just in case my breath didn't smell too good. How embarrassing. "Um, yeah. I actually feel kind of better now." I said, lying. I felt worse. Like my head was going to explode.

"Good." said Derek, and we made our way back to the car. Once we were inside, he opened the glove compartment and withdrew a pack of strawberry bubalicious gum. He handed me a piece, smiling.

"It always makes me feel better when I eat it." He said, grinning sheepishly.

I took a piece and put it in my mouth, tasting instant relief. It was gooey and sweet and brought back memories of when I was a little kid. I almost laughed in spite of myself.

"Thanks." I said softly. Derek gave me a pleased look as though he had just saved a baby in a burning building. _It was just gum._

The good feeling didn't last for long as my thoughts were brought back to Truman again. He didn't stop calling me that summer, so much that I had to block his number. And he even tried stopping by the house a few times. But Derek always managed to get rid of him. How, I don't know, but after seeing Derek punch Truman after he confronted me at the restaurant, I had a pretty good clue.

Did Truman remain a drunk, always waking up not remembering what had happened the night before? It was insane to think that anyone could live that way, but then again, I had no idea. I didn't understand people like that, and hopefully I never would.

We finally reached Derek's apartment and, just like his car, it was ridiculously perfect. And neat. Derek Venturi, _neat?_ Since when did Derek and I switch places? Haha, compared to my apartment, this was like heaven on earth. I could get used to this.

"You can stay in the spare bedroom." Derek said, leading me to one of the rooms. It's actually decorated with pictures of New York City at night. _Classy Derek. _I wondered if he actually took any of those pictures himself.

I plopped down on the bed and sighed, trying as hard as I could not to cry. But I couldn't help myself as I let out a little dry sob and then the tears didn't stop.

Derek sat down and took me in his arms rocking back and forth. Why did I always have to rely on him so much for everything? I wondered who he had to rely on…

"Do you want me to stay?" Derek asked, and I looked into his chocolate eyes, feeling a sense of deja vous coming over me. I wanted to say yes. I wished I could let him know that I wanted him to stay with me forever. But instead I told him I would be fine without him. I didn't mean it, just like I never meant that I would be fine that night when Truman hurt me.

I could tell Derek didn't believe me, not for a second, and he gently pushed me over, lying down on the bed beside me. My heart beat wildly in my chest, even though I knew he wasn't thinking the thoughts _I _was thinking. Good thing too, or might have jumped my bones right then and there. I tried to compose myself and think about something else, but it was all Derek. Derek's warmth, Derek's sweet scent, Derek's arms protecting me. At least my thoughts were no longer concerned with anything Truman related.

I turned and buried my head in Derek's chest, hugging his waist, unable to resist being close to him anymore. He hugged me back, kissing the top of my head. "Goodnight, Case."

"Goodnight Derek." I mumbled into his shirt. And then after a long pause, "I love you."

"Mm." He grunted, probably already asleep. Same old Derek.

I fell asleep in his arms.

* * *

The first thing I noticed when I woke up was that I was cold, so incredibly cold. I turned over and opened my eyes, noticing that Derek wasn't there anymore. I groaned and shuffled out of bed, making a mental note that 1- I should shower. Soon. And 2- I should probably call my work and tell them that I was taking a temporary leave of absence. Or maybe not so temporary.

I walked into the kitchen and there was a plate of blueberry pancakes and eggs, and I smoothie sitting beside it. _Very classy, Derek._ There was also a note sitting there. I read it:

_Dear Case, _

_I had to go into work a for a little while, but I will be back soon. Don't miss me too much. _

_-Derek_

_And when I get back we are going to have a talk. You've been holding too much in and it's not good for you. Be safe while I'm gone. Don't cut your fingers while you're slicing up that pancake. Don't burn the house down. Don't invite any man friends over. Don't-  
_

I stopped reading the note and rubbed my temples. Suddenly the breakfast didn't look so appealing anymore. All I needed was a session from Dr. Derek.

Sometimes that boy cared way _too_ much about me.

_Claim your right to science_

_Claim your right to see the truth_

**AN:** **Yeah, I know. It's shorter and less funny than usual. I'm sorry! Don't worry, Derek is coming up and he is a funny guy! XD **

**Oh, and in the next chapter I will explain why they weren't as good of friends as they were during the summer, because I know this is sounding pretty disjointed right now. You just gotta keep waiting for all the flashbacks and memories, because that's what this story is about! :D**

**There's this green button below the text that says review on it and I would be such a happy cookie if you clicked on it! I wouldn't even care if you didn't respond. Just you clicking on it is enough! :P**


	8. Drill a Hole in You

**AN: It's been too long, I know. :P But here it is! Thank you my avid reviewers! I love y'alls! Even though it's only like 5 people… lol! Oh well, that means more love to go around! :D**

**Please review again! :D**

**PS: I don't own Oodles of Noodles or Easy Mac. GOSH DARN IT!**

**Wait for it. Wait for it!! OMG THE TENSION IS BUILDING SO MUCH I CAN'T STAND IT! o.O**

Dear God,

Why do you tempt me so? Like, are you for real? You put me in a bed with my extremely hot stepsister that I've loved for like half my life (at least the important part of my life anyway), and expected me not to do anything. That's hard. And cruel. Really cruel. Well, now that I think about it, at least I get to be with her, and she seems pretty happy with me, so maybe I should be thanking you. Oh, and isn't Satan the one that does that tempting thing anyway? Oops. My b!

So, thanks then. And please help me talk to Casey today without blowing chunks.

The End.

I mean, Amen.

So, I went to work and was really rather distracted by a cute brunette that kept popping into my head. And then I ate lunch and it reminded me of that time Casey made us cucumber sandwiches when we went to sneak out… How cute and geeky was that? And I kept thinking about how sad and pitiful she looked when she saw Truman. Then I just decided to go home early because, well, I couldn't really concentrate, and I was worried about that girl!

I opened the door to my apartment and saw Casey sitting on the couch watching TV. She jumped as I entered the room and felt kind of bad for scaring her. Okay, since when did I become such a softie?

She gave me a half smile and I figured she was still a little bit upset about last night. I mean, if I was her, I would be too. Ain't no way _I'd_ want to run in with my ex-rapist! I sat next to her and put my arm around her shoulders.

"Feeling better?" I asked.

She raised an eyebrow. "Pretty much. Those pancakes were pretty delicious."

She liked my cooking. Hah! "Well, you know." I said, leaning back, a smug look on my face. "I'm a pretty good cook."

"Since when?" she said, laughing.

"Since I got tired of Oodles of Noodles and Easy Mac." I settled into the couch cushions and grabbed the remote from the table, changing the channel to a hockey game. What can I say? I was still a man after all.

"Hey!" Casey tried to snatch the remote from my hands but I maneuvered out of the way and she fell off the couch. It was that moment that made us revert back to normal Derek and Casey again. Memories of meat loaf fights and stupid pranks came flooding back into my head as Casey picked herself up off the ground, her hair falling in her face and her fists clenched. No words were exchanged, and none needed to be. I got up from the couch, slowly backing away, when Casey pounced.

We were a rolling mass on the floor, both of us bumping into the coffee table, me cursing and Casey letting out a little whine. But we never paused our wrestling match, and I was reminded of that time we had a shampoo fight when George and Nora were out. I was also reminded of strip twister. Casey's hands reached for mine and I struggled to get away, both of us ending up in a tangled mess.

And then somehow I ended up on top of her, breathing heavily and wanting nothing more than to take her right then and there. She was sweating and her breath smelled like blueberries and syrup and her chest was rising up and down against mine. And then the unthinkable happened.

She reached for my shirt and pulled me down, our lips crashing together violently. My lips moved in unison with hers and I tasted sweetness. She grasped at my shirt and then broke away from me, giving a great shuddering gasp for air. I realized I was crushing her. Oops. She didn't really seem to care as her lips collided with mine again and we both sat up, never breaking our bond. My hand moved down her back and then further- until I realized what I was doing.

Was I really being just like Truman? Touching Casey where she didn't want to be touched? I mean, this wasn't the way it should be. I had already saved myself so far. Why should I make an irrational, impulsive move when I waited all this time? She wasn't a virgin anymore… She didn't know what it felt like.

It was grossly weird to feel the way I was. For some reason I didn't want to have my first… experience on the living room floor. I suddenly had a vision of a bed surrounded by rose petals and scented candles, the night after my wedding. I didn't know when I had officially made the switch from a "skirt chasing cad" and to a romantic, or a sissy, or a moral person, but it had happened. There was nothing I could do to change that, either. That was who I was now. For a few flighty moments, I had become teenage Derek Venturi, but couldn't do that anymore.

I pulled away from Casey reluctantly, and she looked at me, confusion and hurt in her eyes. "I'm sorry. I just can't." I said softly. I could barely even hear my own voice.

"What the _hell_, Derek?" Casey looked down at the floor that we had been making out on a few seconds ago. Her voice was filled with pain. "I don't get it." Her voice faltered and I saw tears running down her face. Crap. Why _me?_ "Isn't this what you wanted? Isn't this what we wanted, for the longest _frigging _time?"

She looked up at me, her hair wild and untamed, just like the fury in her eyes. "What the hell happened to us?" She placed a hand to her forehead and slid over the couch, leaning against it.

"We changed." I managed to spit out. No _dip,_ Sherlock.

"Why did we stop talking after that summer?" she asked, never looking at me. "Maybe, maybe if you and I would have stayed friends, I would have been… okay. Maybe we could have led each other onto the right paths. What went wrong?"

"We just had a fallout." I said bluntly. "We went our separate ways in college."

"Why?"

"Fight." I mumbled, barely audible.

"What?"

"Nothing." I said, loudly, getting up.

"Derek, what did you say?" She stood up too.

"Damn, Casey! Can't you remember on your own? It wasn't that long ago!" I slammed my fist down on the table and she stared at me in bewilderment, her mouth ajar.

"Derek, what-"

"I don't need you anymore, okay?" I yelled, my voice cracking. "I don't need you and your crap, or the fact that you couldn't have saved yourself for the right freaking guy, or your stupid issues that are coming back that I had to deal with all summer!"

Casey was now crying and holding her stomach like it was about to burst. I. Didn't. Care.

"Do you know how much I had to put up with? Do you know how much work I put into you? My whole summer I did so much for you! You couldn't even get up in the mornings. You couldn't fall asleep at night. I changed that. And you just threw it _all_ away, like it was nothing! You're so selfish, you know that? So _effing_ selfish!"

Casey stood there glaring at me, but broken. "You're the one who's selfish." she said softly. "Thinking you could have me all to yourself. What if I didn't even want to be with you?"

"_Oh yeah_, that's why you were laying on top of me and _moaning _a few minutes ago!" I retaliated, heat rising in my cheeks.

She let out a sob and collapsed to the ground. I whisked around and ran into the bathroom, emptying the contents of my stomach. My mind blurred and I felt myself slipping in and out of consciousness. What a wonderful day!

"_You want me to kiss you?"_

"_Yes."_

"_But, why? I mean, not that I don't want to or anything. Just why?"_

"_Because it's my last stage of therapy, dumby." Her smirk was so cute. She learned that from me._

"_Since when was that one of the steps?"_

"_Since I decided I loved you." Wow. That was… forward. "It's called shock therapy or something like that." She was so witty._

"_I don't know about this." I really didn't. She had almost been raped that same summer. I didn't know if I would be able to stop myself._

"_Why not? Isn't this what you want?"_

"_Well, yes, but-"_

"_But what? But you don't want to kiss someone who's already been touched in certain places that you've never had the privilege to touch? Is it because you want someone who hasn't been 'corrupted' already? Someone innocent and clean?" If looks could kill… I would have died right then and there._

"_That's not it at all!" _

"_I get it. I totally get it."_

"_No, you __**don't!"**_

"_All I wanted was a __**kiss**__! Can't you just give me __**that**__?" She turned and ran away. _

_I didn't even get the chance to tell her that it would have turned into so much more…_

_She didn't talk to me the whole rest of the summer into college, until that fateful day in the library when she noticed Darrel. _

Maybe I did want someone who could give me all of them, and not just parts, or parts they had already given away. Maybe she needed someone who was willing to except her for herself the way she was now. Maybe I just wasn't right or merciful enough. And then the most horrible thought entered my head…

Maybe we just weren't meant to be.

_Though my pangs of conscience,  
Will drill a hole in you_

**AN: Does this suck as much as I think it does... because I am seriously lacking confidence in this story. I mean, I like it, but I... gah! I don't know!**_  
_


	9. I Seen it Coming

He didn't love me. He didn't care about me. And this whole time I believed there was something more for us, something bigger than us. I heard him retching in the bathroom, my own stomach twisting in knots as I tried to overcome the strange pain that was seeping into my pores. But then I realized that my efforts would be useless. There was nothing left to fight for anymore, no one to hold my hand or tell me that everything was going to be okay. It hurt, but I welcomed the pain and let it overcome me, so that darkness filled every crevice of my being.

I was scared that I might be stuck in his house, paralyzed with darkness, so I forced myself to get up off the floor and move. I was out the door in no time, bolting down the street with a newfound energy. I was no longer crying, because all of my tears had been used up in this life time. There was something about the wind rushing through my hair, whispering to me, telling me where to go.

Where ever it was, it was far away from here. Far away from Derek and his words that cut like a knife. Far away from all of the lies and deceit. Far away from Casey. I hated her. Not because of the bad things she did. Not because of the horrible things she said to people. But because she felt little to no remorse for her actions. It was time for her to disappear completely and become someone completely unrecognizable.

It was time for me to go.

Then I thought that I might like this new identity thing. It would be fun, reshaping a new me. My name would be something romantic, like Charlotte or Juliet. Maybe I could dye my hair or something. Like bleach blonde. Or red.

Before I knew it I was in the bad part of town, surrounded by faces I would never see again. But would they remember my face? It was impossible to memorize all of theirs. I wished I could.

And then the next thing I knew, I was being offered a joint, and people were swaying back and forth and smiling at me with brown stained teeth. And it was high school with Truman all over again. Except this time I was taking the white paper tube into my own hands and giving it a puff, rather than giving a lecture about lung cancer. I coughed and sputtered but laughed anyway, swaying with the happy disconnected faces around me. They seemed to smile with their mouths, and yet there eyes never twinkled or gave off the real feeling of pleasure.

It was all very dead to me.

I sort of liked it. Because it didn't hurt to think like these people. But the smoke was a little painful for my eyes and my throat. To be truthful, I didn't even know if this thing in my hand was a joint or not. I had closed my eyes and hummed the theme song to _Arthur_ when we learned about drugs in health class. I never thought that was a world I'd encounter. I was never more wrong.

This man with jarred black eyes and weird holes in his face stepped over to me and took my hand in his dry one, and began to dance with me. And I sort of let him because it wasn't that bad, was it?

I started to wonder where the police were, and why there were so many detached faces in one place, and no one to stop them from smoking whatever it was they were smoking. This was a really bad place, I realized. A really, really bad place.

Charlotte had already gotten herself into a lot of trouble, and it was only her first day of existence.

Maybe it would be better to start over as something less romantic. Maybe that was the problem. Fatima would escape from this place and go back to teaching little four year old brats. She didn't want anything to do with this kind of life.

The man with cold eyes was now advancing on me. His breath reeked and I was suddenly dizzy and ready to fall over. There was a numb feeling in the pit of my stomach, and I tried to scream but nothing came out of my throat. I pressed my hands against the ally wall, breathing heavily. He was getting closer and closer, his hot smoke breath on my neck. I backed up as far as I could but felt myself fading into the shadows, paralyzed. His face entered the shadows and for a moment I saw a flash of black hair and a drunken smirk.

And then it was only black.

When I woke up, I was cold and realized my shirt was missing, but thankfully my pants and bra were still intact. I felt myself, wincing as I touched the bruises on my arms. Where had they come from? There was no one else there besides me. I wondered where all of those bizarre people had gone, and why they hadn't done anything more to me.

I shivered and groped around in the darkness for my shirt. I was dirty. Everywhere I felt something gross on me, and I couldn't get it to go away. This was the second time I had found myself in this situation. It didn't matter if I was Casey, or Juliet, or Fatima, or anyone. I was still destined for a harsh reality, and I horrible path still lay ahead of me. I should have seen this coming.

But where was my Derek to save me now? Off throwing up in the bathroom? He was ever so valiant, wasn't he? I didn't care if he ever came for me. Screw him, and everyone else in the world who ever hurt me. They could go walk off a bridge, for all I cared.

I couldn't find it. I couldn't find my shirt. And I heard shrieks not too far away from me, probably in the next ally way.

Okay, I cared. I cared deeply. I needed him to find me, and find me now.

I heard footsteps and I crouched in the corner, trying to hide myself. Damn. The approaching person had a flashlight. Just my luck.

"Hey, girl, are you okay? You look in bad shape. Let me help you." He wasn't dirty and he wasn't smoky, but I didn't trust him as he held out his tanned hand to me. His bald head gleamed in the light radiated by his tool.

I pressed myself closer into the wall, covering myself. I was totally exposed. I shook my head at his gesture, not wanting to take his dangerous hand.

"Can I at least call someone for you?"

I gulped, raising my eyebrow. I didn't know Derek's number, did I? And then I realized I had memorized it- the little sticky note sitting on his refrigerator that he left for me before going to work. _Please call me if you have an emergency, Case. I'm always there! :D _And then those brilliant, miraculous 10 digits.

I nodded, holding out my hand to the man.

"You aren't going to take it and run, are you?" the man asked, slowly extending his cell phone towards me.

Nope, I shook my head.

He handed it to me, and I pounded down on the buttons furiously and quickly. Derek picked up. "Hello?" His voice wavered. "Who is this?"

I stared to sob hysterically into the receiver. The bald man stared at me like I was a freak. I probably was a freak…

"Derek!" I managed to choke out. "Derek, it's Casey."

I heard a weird noise on the other line, a sort of blubbery exclamation of happiness. And then he asked me where I was, only to have me hand the phone back to the owner so he could give Derek directions.

And he was there with me, finally, jumping out of his car and throwing his arms around me. He squeezed me tightly into his chest, and I squeezed back even tighter. And I took in his warmness and good smell and white, stainless smile. And then he took off his shirt and put it over my head, thanking the bald man and taking my hand.

We walked back to the car hand in hand, and for once the first time in years, I felt Derek's light start to shine on me.

_I seen it coming like a thief in the night,  
I seen it coming from the flash of your light_

**AN: Switchin it up! Puttin this at the end, yo! **

**Never again.**

**This chapter is kind of scary. Not gonna lie. I got scared myself writing it. It also gets a lot deeper, and I'm afraid the other chapters are gonna get deeper too, because this is the direction this story is going. ANYWAY… Thank you so much for putting up with my long breaks between updates! I had AP exams last week and this week. Guh. Well, I love you guys. You already know this. And 40 reviews?! Holy ridiculousness! I want to give you all massive hugs! :D**


	10. Turn Back Time

It was all my fault. Why else would she have run away? It had nothing to do with the fact that I blew up in her face and told her I didn't need her anymore. Nope, that had nothing to do with it _at all_.

That was sarcasm, for all of you who didn't get that.

And here she was, laying in my arms peacefully as I watched hockey on the TV. But truthfully I wasn't watching the screen. My eyes were fixated on the broken girl that was sitting in my lap, dark baggy circles around her eyes and a saddening expression. Obviously she wasn't having very good dreams. I pulled her closer to me and kissed her forehead, brushing her hair back from her sweaty forehead.

I took a few drama courses in college, and I actually did a play once. For one of the rehearsals we did this thing where we played the foil of our character. So in other words, the villain played the hero, and vice versa. It was really interesting and strange, to play the opposite part of what I was normally. I wondered if it was the same way with me and Casey. Was she playing the part of me? Was I playing her part? I just wanted this whole damn play to stop and allow us to switch back to the way we were.

Why hadn't anyone invented a time machine yet? Seriously, where was Doc when I needed him? Where was the funky car with the cool hydraulics that could take me back to our younger years? If I would have known what would have happened to us…

_Derek, what do you think of Truman? __**I don't think of Truman, ever.**__ Well, what do you think of Casey dating Truman? __**I think of that even less. **_

I would have paid more attention the whole Truman/Casey situation, instead of trying to ignore it. I would have punched Truman the first day I met him. I would have told him to stay the hell away from my step sister, or he would have to prepare for another black eye. Or worse.

_So you have two dates to the prom, and one is Casey?__** I… **_

I would have taken Casey to the prom when she didn't have a date. Not Emily. The only reason I did ask her was because she was my "last resort," and I "needed" a date for my "reputation." And then I stayed with her so I could have a girlfriend. So Derek Venturi wouldn't end up dateless at the end of his senior year.

_Derek, you are the most annoying brother! __**Step brother.**__ Same difference. __**Yeah… you're right.**_

Yeah, yeah right. I would have totally disproven the theory that step brother and brother were the same thing. Probably the easiest solution to that would be taking Casey's face in my hands and kissing her senseless.

_**Do you need me to stay with you? **__No. I think I will be okay. __**Alright, if you're sure.**_

I would have stayed with her anyway, despite the things she said. She needed me, and I was too much of a wimp to do anything. I didn't know how to handle the situation, and things turned out for the worse. If I would have stayed with her, maybe she wouldn't make the same mistakes. Maybe we would have been together…

_**You want me to kiss you?**__ Yes._ **_But_**_**, why? I mean, not that I don't want to or anything. Just why?**_

I would have kissed her like she asked me to, no questions asked, despite the consequences. I was never giving her what she wanted, and it was about time I did.

I had let my fear of being just like Truman hold me back. I thought I wouldn't be able to stop. I thought _I_ would be the one forcing Casey up against a wall and taking her shirt off. But at that moment, I realized I was nothing like him. We were not the same person, regardless of what people had said. _Apparently Casey McDonald is dating that Truman guy because he's the next best thing to Derek Venturi. She can't date her step brother, after all! _

And why not? Why couldn't we date? It's not like we were blood related or anything! It wasn't frigging incest, even though half the school called it that! They didn't understand. The first moment I saw her face… She was a giant nerd, yeah. A total loser, goody two shoes, OCD freak, but you can't help love at first sight. It sort of creeps up on you.

I just happened to fall in love with my stepsister, the girl who moved into my house with me when I was 15 years old, when my hormones were running high. It's not as if we had grown up together. We weren't raised as brother and sister. We were just thrown into the same place and expected to get along like siblings. I didn't like that idea one bit. It was more fun to tease and make fun of Casey rather than treating her as a sister. And then the teasing turned into flirting and suggestive glances and lip licking and…

_I love you Derek. __**Mm.**_

I couldn't live in the past forever. It wasn't right. It was hard to accept, but I would have to eventually. It was not as if it could be changed. The only thing I had to look forward to was the future. And I would be able to shape it anyway I wanted to.

"Casey!" I shook her, awakening her from her peaceful slumber. Her eyes fluttered open and she smiled when she saw me.

"What is it Derek? Why did you wake me up?" She mocked annoyance, even though I could tell she was glad I was there with her.

"I need to tell you something." I said, unable to keep the huge, goofy grin off my face.

"Shoot." She looked at me like I was insane, the corners of her mouth turning up a little. She was highly amused.

I took a deep breath, preparing for what I meant to say for 8 years of my life.

"I'm in love with you."

Casey's face broke into a wide smile and I saw tears well up her eyes. "I'm in love with you, too." She said, grabbing my hand and looking up at my face. And then she snorted. "Took you long enough."

I broke the space between us, my lips crashing into hers, electricity running through my veins. The girl I had waited my entire life for was kissing me in a way I had only fantasized about. And that night I stayed by her side.

I wasn't her brother. I wasn't even her stepbrother. I was just hers.

So take _that_, Truman.

* * *

**AN: Honestly, when I started this chapter, I did not think that I would end up finishing the story. It just sort of fell in to place and I found my self writing a (hopefully) good ending. I really hope you guys enjoyed reading this fic! This has been the most amazing fantastical superly duperly ride with you guys. I can't thank you enough for all of your AMAZING reviews and feedback. You guys are so awesome and I can't even put into words how much you mean to me! **

**Oh, and I forgot to say that I made a trailer for this fic, so check it out if you want! .com/ watch?v=UG-gLHlKY4k (no spaces)  
**

**I love you guys so much! Thanks for everything! :D I will miss your lovely reviews! :(  
**


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